2.24.2009

Albums That You Won't Believe Are Free

Lets start by saying that downloading music is awesome, and we haven't quite seen anything like this hit the music industry since CD's first came out. Whether or not piracy is really hurting the CD industry is something that will be discussed later, but for now here's some awesome free, LEGAL CD's, that are not only good, you'll probably feel like paying for them.

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Nine Inch Nails - The Slip

After pretty much telling off the record companies and telling all of his fans to download his music illegally, Trent took the next big step and released The Slip online for free. Oh yes of course you can pay for it, or donate to him if you want, but hey 10 NIN tracks for NOTHING? Yeah you definitely gotta grab this. Not his best album by any means, but definitely worth checking out.

http://theslip.nin.com/

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Explosions In The Sky - The Rescue

Wildly hailed as the frontier band of the post-rock genre, EITS are probably not the best post-rock band, but they certainly have a very distinct, if somewhat mainstream, sound to them. Regardless, a free album of tunes from these guys is not something you want to pass up. The concept of the album is just what it sounds like, a rescue operation. It's totally left up to the listener as what exactly is happening, which is the beauty of this record. For a price, this album is a great addition to a great bands discography. For free, it's something no music listener should be without.

http://www.explosionsinthesky.com/albums.html
Just click on The Rescue and download the mp3's one by one.


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Bulb - Best Of Misha Mansoor

While this isn't an album per say, its definitely some free music some people would most definitely be interested in. Bulb is a guitarist from the D.C. area who writes technical, instrumental, experimental metal pretty much all by himself. Most of the songs on this compilation are produced and recorded by him, with the help of the members of his main band Periphery. He puts all these songs on his soundclick site for free, and of course this is a compilation of all his best works. Pretty heavy stuff for the most part, but with a touch of softness to really make things stand out. Definitely recommended for people into experimental, or generally heavy music.

Bulb - Best of Misha Mansoor [2009]

The most expensive free sub Quiznos ever made.

Hello! As said before, the previous posts were done by zilver, and all posts from me, will be from jdsarge91 from now on.

So in an article that is a slightly intentional ripoff of a similar maddox article (actually its PURELY intentional), lets discuss the subject of the free Quiznos sub giveaway. (It's still going on, check it out here at http://millionsubs.com/ )

I've never actually had a Quiznos sub, nor ever even been in one of the sandwich shops chains. Still, after being alerted by a forum I frequent that today Quiznos was giving out coupons for free subs, the promise of a FREE meatball grinder from any food place was enticing. So, after school me and Louis planned to hit up Quiznos and share a delicious snack.

Of course, neither of us had bothered to print out the coupons yet, but neither of us realized this until of course, right afterschool, the library about to be flooded by storms of angry faculty members wishing they could be drinking at home.

I had already sent the coupon to my email during one of my many study halls during the day, but the coupon required one to have a photo id, and with me STILL not having my license, I figured
that I would just have Louis print his own coupon out and we would be set.

Which was my second mistake. Louis was yet not 18, and the coupon required one to be 18 and have a photo ID to get a free sub. Louis then of course, just lied about his birth date on the coupon. Brilliant as this was, and as much as I doubt the intelligence of a Quiznos worker, something told me this was NOT going to work.

This all was happening rapidly as we scrambled to get to the library to print our coupons. Teachers were already quite present throughout the room, so we quickly found a computer that worked and set to work.

Which brings us to the main point of this post. School computers. Imagine an 90 year old blind lady attempting to navigate a spiral set of stairs and you have somewhat of an idea of how slow our school computers are. I can literally sign into a computer, run two laps around the school, go to my locker, get hot lunch from the cafe, talk to an assorted number of staff, and probably read an entire novel before a school computer will load. And that's not even loading some basic applications.

Which brings us to the deeper point of this post. Why are these computers STILL using Internet Explorer? Granted, we are up to the latest version, which means we FINALLY get tabbed browsing, but that still leaves us with the slowest loading homepage I've ever seen. Why in god's name would you have a browser load up the homepage of the school? Lets see, I'm school the school IT guy, I could either have all these computers load Google and maybe actually let them get some work and research done before 24 hours pass, or I could have the homepage be a crappy .org site which is probably only run on one server.

That being said, the computer EVENTUALLY did load Internet Explorer and we quickly went to Louis's email account. Only to find out he had tried to print the coupon before hand during school, and that had failed miserably due to the library printer acting up. So of course we did the next logical step, we tried to print it again, from the same printer that had failed us before. Disaster. Coupons can only be printed ONCE, and since Louis had already tried to print his, his coupon was replaced with a lovely ad telling us to send coupons to our friends. And of course my coupon was kaput as I too had sent it to the library printer. It dawned on us that we were NOT going to be having free food today.

So we did the thing we should have done in the first place. Got Subway.

2.23.2009

We (Have) Moved!

Ok, just a disclaimer because being an aspiring writer, authorship issues bug me: all the posts before this one were not posted by my fellow writer jdsarge91, but by me on www.facebook.com as notes. Just a disclaimer. He just set up this whole thing before I did and then told me to make an account. Just in case anyone was wondering...

Anyway!

As many of you know, I work as a waiter at a nursing home. Now, my friend Kelcie constantly reminds me how I work with the dimentia patients... only she's never been to Covenant Village to know that she's wrong. 90% of the residents I serve are simply old people that don't want to live in their own homes.

The reason she tries to remind me of such a thing is because working at Covenant Village just makes me HATE the elderly. Here's 5 reasons why:

5. Personal Space

The only reason this is #5 is because this hasn't happened in a long time. I used to have this happen a lot though. The name tag I would wear on my uniform was attached to a retractable holder. Only, the tag would easily pivot and turn over... covering my name.

When the oldies would come up to reserve a table with the hostess, they would look at me. Try to find out my name (you know, they couldn't just ASK me) and reach out their hand going straight for my chest. Meanwhile, my heart is pounding and my adrenaline is pumping and every Puerto Rican instinct in my body is telling me to break said old person's arm before he strangles me to death(!). But finally the moment passes and they just flip my name tag over so they can read my name.

Mother of Mary, haven't these people ever heard of PERSONAL SPACE? I'm sure it's located somewhere in the employee rights section of the handbook. And if it's not, then I'm adding it. Because honestly, there is nothing quite like the terror one feels when seeing a lizard-esque hand coming at you for an unknown purpose.

As of today, my swivelling name-tag has been replaced with a simple clip tag. This actually is a step down from my old tag which was extremely easy to slide in and out of the time-clock. Now I have to nearly hump the wall just to sign myself in and out. The reason for the change? Not because of the personal space issue (which hasn't happened for months actually) but because apparantly, my supervisor was getting emails from residents that they couldn't read our name tags because they kept getting flipped over.

That's right, old people had nothing BETTER to do than to sit around and think, "Hm... I want to read my waiter's nametag." but since they can't, they take the time to learn how to use the internet, set up an email account, spend the next seven hours typing an email, and then actually care enough to send the email to my supervisor informing her about something that in reality, doesn't matter for more than three seconds.

What bitches.

4. Patience, and lack thereof

Me: Tonight we're having peach yogurt for desert tonight.
Ol' Bitch: What kind of peaches are they?
Me: Peaches? It's yogurt.
Ol' Bitch: Yes, but what kind of peaches are they?
Me: Ma'am, it's yogurt. Not actual peaches.
Ol' Bitch: Yes, but are the peaches freezedried? Or are they fresh?
Me: ... they're peaches. It's frozen and comes in a tub.
Ol'Bitch: But I'm asking if they're fresh or freezedried.
Me: I know, but it's all frozen. It's yogurt. I don't know how to answer your question.
Ol'Bitch: All I want to know is if they're fresh or freezedried. Can you tell me that?
Me: The answer is NEITHER. It's YOGURT.
Ol'Bitch: Ugh, nevermind, forget it, you're useless.
Me: ... *walk away*

3. Coffee?

I have two hands.

"Excuse me, can I have some coffee?"

Sure, one second. Just let me serve these to Table 23. Anyway, I have two hands a list of priorities when it comes to serving the residents. Hot food first.

"Excuse me, decaff coffee?"

Yes, just a moment please. Like I was saying, Hot food first, cold food second, hot...

"Excuse me, we need some more coffee over here."

Sigh... cold food second, hot drinks afterward. Just before cold drinks. So that means desserts...

"Coffee!?"

PLEASE. Just. Wait. I'll be there in a second. Coffee has priority over only one thing: juices. So just excuuuuse me if I don't drop an entire plate of melting desserts just to satisfy your caffeine fix. Well, 90% of the coffee they ask for is decaffinated. So I have no idea why they want to drink it.

Interesting note: 80% of the people that ask for coffee ask for decaff. 90% of the people that ask for decaff are complete bitches. Of the 20% that ask for regular coffee, 75% of them are actually really nice. This must be because they need the caffeine to operate normally. Which must mean that if you give the bitchy decaff people regular coffee, they get really bad.

2. "He never smiles."

I had to seat this woman and her husband once. For some reason, she simply could not remember me for the first six months I worked there. She would ask how long I worked there. I would tell her six months. She would say, "Oh, I don't know you. What's your name?" and I would tell her.

Finally, I told her that I've seated her many times and I have no idea why she didn't remember me. I've learned to regret that decision. Because she's hasn't really remembered me by name, just as the waiter who never smiles. Well, you've just finished three reasons why I wouldn't smile, now here's the fourth.

It just... for some reason, pisses me off when people have to point out that I don't walk around wearing an ear-to-ear grin all the time. I'm tempted to believe that despite organized crime, the Great Depression, World War II, McCarthyism, race riots, and nuclear scare, people from 1920 to 1990 walked around smiling their asses off. Because they sure don't now.

1. Tartar Sauce

The number one reason why I hate working at Covenant Village: tartar sauce. It's the single most disgusting piece of shit I've EVER had the displeasure of having near my nostrils. I've never tasted it, but dear God, I don't ever want to touch it.

For unknown reason, the elderly MUST have tartar sauce with their seafood. If your only source of knowledge about tartar sauce is Spongebob Squarepants, let me explain the ingredients for tartar sauce: eat loads of crab, wait five minutes, puke, and add ranch dressing. Voila. You've just made tartar sauce.

Now put that on some delicious baked salmon... and you've just destroyed a perfectly fine meal.

I have no problem with what the elderly eat, I just hate the fact that I have to actually pull a huge jar of this shit out of the fridge to serve it.

"It's not that bad. You don't have to eat it!"

Yes, but it doesn't just look like puke and rance dressing, it SMELLS like it. The scent simply invades your nostrils and assaults them like Operation Barbarossa.

Conclusion: the elderly suck.

The Most Dedicated Fans 02/10/09

Geek. Nerd. Dork. They all describe someone who has social skills bordering those of the common pencil. Usually these Geeks/Nerds/Dorks have something to concentrate their fanaticism on: a particular video game, a movie and it's "universe," or perhaps a TV Show. Often times, it's a book, something far more mobile and able to carry around in one's laptop case.

One famous fan activity is writing fanfiction. Fanfiction is just what it sounds like, stories written about the characters from a particular game/movie/book/comic series, etc.

I used to be in this category. My particular favorite was the Star Fox series of games. The greatest of which being the 1997 classic StarFox 64. To be honest, there are a lot of StarFox fanfictions I could find that are written better than a lot of books on the shelves. One could probably say the same about almost any other fanfiction category out there, but I never visited any.

The last time I wrote any sort of fanfiction was... 2006. Three years ago. I used to post my fanfiction on THE place to post it: www.fanfiction.net

I was recently browsing the site after receiving some inspiration from The Dark Knight and upcoming film Watchmen (opens in theaters March 6). Just for the hell of it. And what I noticed for the first time were numbers next to the categories. Turns out they represent the total number of writings posted in the category.

So who has the most dedicated fans? In parenthesis is the number of fictions with over 100,000 words.

Watchmen: 34 (0)
Catcher in the Rye: 57 (0)
Tetris: 66 (0)

It pleases me to know that while Watchmen may not have as dedicated a fanbase as Catcher in the Rye, they still don't beat Tetris.

Star Fox: 1,539 (29)
Bible: 2,643 (0)
Mario: 2,855 (16)

I think Star Fox still qualifies as the most dedicated fans since they have more "extremely freakin long" fictions than Mario. But Mario obviously has a much wider fan base. I find it interesting to see that the Bible has a wider base than Star Fox, and even Catcher in the Rye for that matter. Take that JD Salinger.

Batman: 3,112 (16)
Zelda: 13,145 (125)
High School Musical: 15,674 (71)

Batman scored kind of low. But Zelda jumped up there, with what surprised me to see that High School Musical beat out Zelda. I was just like, "What?" are there THAT many 13-year-olds without anything else to do?

Pirates of the Caribbean: 17,142 (107)
Star Wars: 20,970 (209)
Lord of the Rings: 41,708 (273)
Twilight: 62,774 (122)

Here are the high scorers. Star Wars has the highest fan population, but I wasn't really surprised to find that Lord of the Rings and (dear god) Twilight had higher numbers.

Harry Potter: 389,307 (1,623)

And of course, Harry Potter has 4x the amount of the 2nd place winner. Not only do they have breadth (largest amount of fictions) but depth (LONG fictions). Hats off to Harry Potter fanatics for being the most dedicated fans!

02/10/09

10. Lincoln 01/05/09

I compiled a list of the 10 most important people in history. Whether you think they are or not is your job to debate, I'm going to do my job and subtract them completely from history and examine the Alternate History that follows.

Note: "Important" qualifies as having a profound enough effect throughout the world to affect centuries politically, culturally, economically, socially, and in some instances scientifically and religiously.

#10. Lincoln

Let's start in 1808. A newborn baby dies on his first day of life in Kentucky.

The effects of Lincoln's absence aren't noticed until 1845. Lincoln would have been a Representative from Illinois to protest the Mexican-American War. He would have demanded to know which exact spot American blood was spilled on American soil. Instead, that job is left to Georgia Senator Robert Toombs and former President John Q. Adams who lead the rest of the Whigs against the war.

No big changes.

1858, Senator Stephen A. Douglas is up for reelection in Illinois. He wins decisively against a rather unknown candidate without any huge formal debates he would otherwise have had from a certain Republican.

1860, a big election year. Senator Douglas seeks the Democratic nomination for President against a southerner: John C. Breckenridge. The Democratic Party splits. The southern wing nominates Breckenridge while the northern wing nominates Douglas. A compromise forms under John Bell with the Constitutional Union Party while the Republicans are still debating a candidate to nominate.

It's hard to determine who the Republicans might have picked otherwise. The other three nominees, William Seward, Salmon P. Chase, and Edward Bates, each found a way to divide the party against themselves. Lincoln became a compromise candidate. However, perhaps Seward, the front runner in 1860, might have gotten a little smarter and not given such a radical speech. Either way, a Republican is sure to win in either 1860 or 1864. Economic and political conditions are just too in place for it to happen.

This means a Civil War is inevitable. Since the signing of the Constitution, it was evident. The only guess work is, how does such a war play out?

Probably in much the same way. If the war takes place in 1864-1869, then we can be sure that the north will win. There are plenty of immigrants recently come over from Europe, which in turn increases the industrial capacity of the north, giving them more weapons, and more resources to fight a rebellion.

So let's go with that. The Republicans finally decide on William Seward. The Democrats play up a war scare, "If you elect the Republicans, we'll go to war!" There's no clear cut winner (with four parties, that's pretty easy) and the election is thrown into the House, thanks to the Constitution. Since Bell cannot run (only the top 3 candidates) his states switch to Douglas. Douglas wins 14 states over Seward's 8 and Breckenridge's 11.

Douglas has a fine Presidency. Balancing north and south, passing legislation for popular sovreignty. However, as we've already discussed, political and economic forces are at work and a Republican (certainly a more moderate candidate than Seward) is elected. The south secedes, realizing they didn't cast a single vote for the Republican and feel powerless. The Civil War begins.

Does this new President issue an Emancipation Proclamation? Perhaps. Perhaps not. He might not issue it as eloquently as Lincoln did: ending slavery only in the states still in rebellion, instead including all states. Or he might issue it at the wrong time. But what's most likely is his top concern would be saving the Union, not defeating slavery. So the Emancipation Proclamation is put on hold.

The War is won in 1869. Many slaves have been freed, but not all of them. One by one in the 1870s, the states now under Reconstruction abolish slavery. However, without an Emancipation Proclamation, the basis for Constitutional Amendments banning slavery, granting citizenship to freedmen, and black suffrage may be lost for decades.

America would become an official apartheid state.

Of course, this seems to affect only the United States. But looking at the wider world, not issuing the Proclamation and subsequent Constitutional Amendments could prolong slavery not just into the 1870s, but maybe even the 1880s in some states. Or perhaps the new governments in the south see slavery as the only profitable way to recover their lost economy and work through the system to keep it.

Either way, this changes the way all other "civilized" countries look at the United States. Britain and France especially, who were becoming the big Imperial players as colonization in Africa heated up.

Without Lincoln, a more conservative Republican government could take hold of the nation well through the 1870s through to the 1900s. America may just stay out of the European War in 1917, condemning Germany for the submarine warfare, but wanting in no way to get involved. We probably wouldn't even want to send weapons to Britain to get involved in the first place.

Without the United States entering World War I, our military never gets the boost it needs to earn the name of a World Power. Our relations with Europe decline as the war drags on well into 1919 and 1920 when Germany finally breaks through the Allied lines and marches into Paris. Britain gives up and concedes to the Kaiser's wishes, granting them certain African colonies as they take plenty of French and Belgian territory as well.

American involvement with Europe is barely reduced to formalities as we continue to grow a more prosperous business relationship with Japan. Both Japan and the United States are concerned about the Soviet threat and invade the Russian Far East. The war is short-lived and a failure but it effectively creates a Red Scare in the United States. The booming American economy, based in Japanese investments, continues through the 1920s and 1930s, not keeping track of the blatant oppression taking place on their own soil south of the Mason-Dixon line.

Meanwhile in Europe, the investments that Germany put into defeated France fails. A Depression falls heavily onto Europe and Africa, but since America investments weren't in France, it passes North America.

The Japanese are slowing their purchase of American oil. American's aren't very pleased, but times are still good. Soon enough, purchase begins again as the Japanese wage war on China.

In Europe, the defeated French and British turn to more conservative hard-line governments that demand retribution for the humiliation they suffered in the Great War. America has no issue with Europe, and profits are coming straight in from the Japanese. Times are good in America going into the 1940s. But the world around us is aflame.

Of course, all that isolation makes the rest of the world jealous and things could easily turn heads if the Japanese think we should be out of the Pacific completely, or if the Germans think we need to help them against the Allies.

While we avoided the Great Depression, America could be facing a worse war than the real-history World War II. And to top it off, with no military to back it up.

01/05/09

As We End 2008: One Way America is Better than the Rest 12/31/08

Damn, it's been a while since I've written an article... ANWYAY

2008 was a year of firsts. Well, A first: the first black President (and the first Catholic VICE President. Ooh! Shiny!)

Not only that, we had the second female Vice Presidential candidate and the first woman to be considered on the Republican ticket (I'm pretty sure after the second try, a woman will NEVER be nominated for Vice President... who knows? Maybe 3 times' a charm?)

Still, between a black man winning 53% of the vote in 2008 and an openly racist candidate winning 13% of the popular vote only 40 years ago, I'd say that we've come along way. But like Hitler and the horror of the Weimar Republic, Obama is more of a sign of the times than a true factor in and of himself. At least in this respect. The racial one that is.

Obviously, racism still exists in America. But obviously not enough to keep a black man from the largest position in the American government.

Although recently, we're reminded of racism on the other side of the planet: the Middle East.

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is nothing new. It's been happening since at least 6,500 B.C. So I'd say by now, we're pretty used to it. I mean, I logged on to my Yahoo! mail address and saw the headline "Palestinian Rocket Accidentally Kills 2 Children." Big surprise. Honestly, I didn't even bother to read the article.

The next day, turns out the Palestinians blame the Israelis. Following just headlines and not even reading articles, it turns out the Israelis sent troops to the Gaza border to prepare for a Hamas attack. Leaders are considering sending "peace-keeping" forces to Gaza, just in case Israeli forces enter the useless strip of land.

And this is where America kicks every other country's ass. Race relations.

During the Cold War, America obviously had a big hand over the USSR which sent political enemies to work camps in Siberia. In several instances, sending American nationals to the gulags. Bringing this up usually heralded the response, "Yes... and you lynch Negroes."

The appropriate American response would be, "Touche."

Of course, 40 years later and we've changed a lot. But have the Russians? As far as I'm concerned, the so called "collapse" of the Soviet Union was in name only. Russia's no more Communist than Japan. Yet, they still have an extremely low freedom rating.

How does this relate to the Middle East? Well, I can understand race relations in America. I mean, Blacks and White's aren't the same race. Differences usually are inherently conflictual. But Arabs and Jews are the SAME RACE. They're BOTH SEMETIC. So you can't really say Arabs are Anti-Semetic. They'd be hating themselves.

Honestly, it's a good thing the Arabs have the Jews to hate. Otherwise they'd all hate each other. Why do the Egyptians, Lebanese, Jordanians, and Saudis want to dump the Palestinians in Palestine/Israel? Because it's a shitty piece of land and they don't want them on theirs.

If it wasn't for the creation of Israel, then it would STILL be a shitty piece of land. The Israelis came in and used their crazy horticulture science and made it a prosperous nation. If the Palestinians were in control, then it would be another nameless Middle-Eastern nation we easily forget among the coups and civil wars.

Think of America without the whites. Sure, we did horrible things to the Indians, but we also developed the land into an incredibly prosperous nation. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to justify the genocide of Native Americans any more than I'm trying to justify the Israeli concentration of Palestinians onto even shittier pieces of land. But still, Natives and Whites have learned to get along? In a modern world where communication is instant, technology is growing at an exponential rate, and we have enough nuclear energy to destroy solar systems, can't we all just get the fuck along?

I'd like to think that the 21st Century would have that sort of a ring of hope to it. Maybe someday we might.

But judging how 2009 is starting off... not this year.

12/31/08

The Separation of Thomas Jefferson and the Constitution 12/21/08

There's nothing that irks me more than someone arguing their case of First Amendment abuse as separation of church and state. After all, it's written in the Constitution.

Of course, being the genius I am, am within every legal right to smack him (or her) upside the head and say, "FAIL!"

The term "Separation of church and state" was first coined by Thomas Jefferson in a letter to the Danbury Baptists. His actual reference was how the First Amendment creates a "wall of separation" between the two entities.

The only way I can illustrate this point is with alternate history...

The year is 2008. The moral decline of the nation is quickly becoming #1 concern on everyone's mind. Even over the economy, War in Iraq, and terrorism (go figure). After all, it's amoralism that caused all these things.

The country quickly converts. A new political party springs up, for lack of a better name, it's called the Christian Party. They vow to win the War honorably, recover the economy with integrity, and return the nation's morality to accepatble standards. Their candidate is the illustrious (roll your eyes here) Mike Huckabee.

Despite being a third party, most Americans are tired of the oligarchy the Democrats and Republicans have created. So the Christian Party wins an electoral majority. Here's our first roadblock: can they do that?

Can a Political Party (a Faction, to use Madison's word) that identifies itself as religiously oriented be elected to any office above the state level? To put it simply: yes. Article VI of the Constitution states, "... no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."

So... we can't have a polygraph test for a President (or Senator, Representative, etc.) to admit that he's an atheist. After all, 537 Congressmen (out of 538) are self-proclaimed non-atheists (including Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Mormons, and a Muslim). So in reality, a man who's party is dedicated to Christian principles CAN become President.

Christian President Huckabee is elected to office. He starts prosecuting the war, running plans through Congress to fix the economy, and then tries fixing morality by proposing laws to Congress. What kind of laws can Congress pass?

Well, assuming Congress is now a Christian majority, Congress can pass any law. Including (but not limited to) for example, closing the doors of every Mosque in America to "help fight terrorism."

The problem with this is that it violates the First Amendment. In a matter of days, a Muslim will get arrested for trying to open the doors to a mosque. He'll demand a quick and speedy trial, bring his case all the way to the Supreme Court, and the law will be shot down. Muslims can attend worship freely again.

How? How on Patrick Henry can a religious party legally get elected? When the Pilgrims first came to Massachusetts, their grievance was with the fact that the English government wasn't allowing them to worship in the ways they wanted to. The founders of Connecticut, Rhode Island, Maryland and Pennsylvania faced similar influences. Massachusetts, being one of the leading states in the Revolutionary War, almost completely rejected the Constitution without a Bill of Rights.

The First Amendment reads these exact words, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; ..."

This clause was put in the First Amendment to keep the government out of religion, not vice versa.

But there's a measure of common sense to bring up in this. The above scenario sounds ridiculous. Doesn't it? Do you think there will ever be a 51% majority of people in the nation who would vote for a religiously oriented political party?

And I'm sure someone will come on here and say, "They do all the time: the Republicans!" Well if the Republican Party was... then there wouldn't be a branch called the "Secular Right."

As I've just demostrated, even a religious political party couldn't ruin your own religious expression. No Congress, and no Supreme Court would ever allow it.

Case closed.

12/21/08

The Argument for Anarchy 12/20/08

At first glance, the United States seems to have a lot of problems. And it does. But while looking at the rest of the world, it's probably the best form of government there could possibly be. The Constitution is nothing short of an art form. The Founders wove it so intricately well that no branch of government can (legally) become more powerful than the others for longer than four years. It's simply improbable. The basic factor of time and society will eventually bring the more powerful branch down and begin shifting again.

Take a look at other governments:

Spain for instance. Spain is a sprawling Constitutional Monarchy with an extremely progressive form of Republicanism inherent in its government since Francisco Franco died in the 1970s. The ruling King of Spain, Juan Carlos I, actually put down an attempted coup (bloodlessly, which is a rarity in European history) during Spain's constitutional convention, and encouraged a Republic to grow.

The strange thing is, that even though Spain is, by definition, a prosperous democracy, Spaniards are literally at the whim of the King. Basically, the King of Spain has every power of the President of the United States:

-Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces
-To call the Cortes Generales (the equivalent of Congress) to a special session
-To appoint/dismiss members of Government
-Grant reprieves and pardons
-Legal immunity

And then some:

-To dissolve the Cortes Generales
-To sanction laws
-To make war and declare peace.

The last three are of course, powers of the US Congress in America. Juan Carlos I happens to be a very liberal, very relaxed King of Spain. Imagine if a King (or Queen) was brought to power with a few dictatorial tendencies?

There goes the Cortes Generales. All laws and their enforcement would be placed at the helm of the King/Queen.

Still, back to the United States. Despite how awesome our system works at preventing tyranny, there's still the problem of the government overstepping its bounds. The Preamble of the Constitution states, "We the people of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence [sic], promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

Hear that? "Secure the Blessings of Liberty." Sounds pretty good considering what denizens of Earth had been facing thoughout history. Just consider the Spanish Inquisition (which no one expects), the Thirty Year's War, the Crusades, Witch Hunts in Europe and North America, violent revolutions in both England and France, as well as countless claims of divine right by corrupt men in the monarchies of the Old World.

Yet, what exactly accounts for the "Blessings of Liberty" if we can't really define what "Liberty" is?

To put it simply, "Liberty" is the ability to choose whether or not you are going to do something. The more liberty you have, the more choices you can make, the more powerful you are. The purpose of democracy is to empower the people. And though no where in the Constitution does it state the term "democracy," it also doesn't state "slavery," yet both are inherent in the writing of the Constitution.

Think for a moment with me:

Who is the government to tell you what you should do to your own body?
Who is the government to tell you what you can and cannot own?
Who is the government to take any percentage of your income for their own doings?

Who is the government to say those things? They are the representatives that you've elected to Congress. The problem with this is that once they're in, it's hard to get them out. I've always wondered that. It's like a jar of olives, the first one's the hardest, but the next elections just flow like water.

Ever wonder where they get the money to fund their reelections? The incumbents?

Yeah. Exactly.

Let's address the first question: Who is the government to tell you what you should do to your own body?

Laws were made to be broken. If the Government is going to declare certain drugs illegal, it's only going to increase drug usage. Not only that, it's going to ensure that illicit drugs will have a higher percentage of being laced with crap like rat poison and baby powder. This only puts a heavier strain on the already collapsing medical industry.

What happened when the Government passed the 18th Amendment prohibiting the sale of alcohol. As we all know, that only encouraged big cahoons like Joseph Kennedy and Al Capone to begin their own bootleg operations for illegal alcohol. The Government realized their mistake in 1933 and passed the 21st Amendment, effectively repealing the 18th. Crime went down. Alcohol was regulated. And now the Government could sell its own alcohol to start making money to combat the Great Depression.

Maybe the Goverment could legalize marijuana, cocaine, and heroin, start selling their own brand and fix the Panic of 2008? Now, I'm not saying we should all use drugs. I'm actually totally abase to sticking a needle for a good high. But if that's your choice, then who am I to say otherwise? I'd recommend not doing it. But I don't think the Government should have that ability. It's just one more foot in the door for them.

Second Question: Who is the government to tell you what you can and cannot own?

This is very specific: gun control. I'm in full support of near-deregulation of guns. Why? Because if everyone has a gun, and everyone carries them out in the open, how many people do you honestly think are going to even TRY and commit a crime? Double gun deregulation with my Anti-Stupidity Clause and you have a working Anarchy!

Seriously, think about this. The Federal Government can issue gun licenses still, however, the gun license is absolute. You can own any type of projectile (non-explosive) firearm, automatic or otherwise. In Switzerland, this is the norm. The US has 5.28 Handgun murders per 100,000 people. Switzerland has 1.42.

Burglar walks into a store, points a glock at a store clerk, "Gimme all your money." The clerk reaches for his Uzi. The burglar shoots and kills the clerk. A shopper, holding her tampax in one hand, and her AK-47 in the other points the gun at the back of the criminals head. Another shopper phones the police, drawing his own weapon.

Justice is served.

Third and most important question: Who is the government to take any percentage of your income for their own doings?

The Income tax is a form of slavery. The Income tax is a form of slavery. The Income tax is a form of slavery. I cannot say this enough.

If you were sent to a 9-5 job five days a week, only to receive a paycheck every two weeks and had 100% of your pay sent to the Federal government, what would you call that? Slavery. You're getting 0% return for 100% of the work.

Why should 10% or 35% of your income be any different? Because then you (most likely) have to pay the state income tax, along with your 401K, Medical insurance, etc. etc. Don't forget your mortgage, car payments, overdue electric bills...

It's simply appalling that slavery was abolished in 1868 only to be reinstated in 1916. Oh sure, there will be people saying, "But you can't have a government without taxes!"

Right. How many MORE taxes are there? Taxes on small businesses. Taxes on corporations. Taxes on sales purchases. Taxes on imports. Taxes on virtually everything. How can we make up for the elimination of the Income Tax? Simple: property and inheritence taxes can take a small hike. And bump sales taxes up 1 cent in each state. It's such a small hike that no individual will feel it, but on a national level, it'll bring in more money than any of us can imagine.

I hope you've enjoyed my rant. The lesson is, the government has no right or reason to tell you, as a human being with the inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness, what you can and cannot do...

... UNTIL you violate the rights of other citizens. But that's another story altogether.

12/20/08

"Sixteen." Right. 12/19/08

"Write 16 random facts about yourself then tag 16 people including the one who tagged you."

I've been tagged in about two of these by now. I'm sure virtually everyone I tag has too. Just by going on the collective "Notes" page, it gets FILLED with people unwillingly conforming to society. I told myself I wouldn't do it....

... and I'm not.

Here's sixteen random facts:

1. The Catcher in the Rye is the worst book ever written. And despite the fact that no one has a good reason why, you'll never be able to find six people who will say that.

2. The sitting President will always suck. Scientifically proven.

3. Alabama has relegalized slavery in the 1980s. No one noticed.

4. Whoever deemed the Republicans the "red" party is an idiot.

5. The name "Berlin" means "swamp." Adolf Hitler wanted to rename it "Germania."

6. CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien had a bet to see who could write the most Fantastic Biblical parallel. Apparantly Tolkien won.

7. Since Jesus and his family weer Jewish, wouldn't it make sense to have a menorah on the Nativity scene?

8. Napoleon used to relieve stress by playing with a yo-yo.

9. Marie Antoinette invented the first modern wine glass by making a mold of her breast.

10. If you're barelling down the highway at a safe 65 mph, and someone jumps out of the bushes and sprints across the road, if you hit them, it's legally your fault. (See my article "The 28th Amendment")

11. The "Star-Spangled Banner" that Francis Scott Key wrote about in 1815 had 15 stars AND 15 stripes. It wasn't until after that Congress decided to keep a static 13 stripes for the original colonies.

12. Hebrew scholars copy the Torah down in scrolls just as they have been for thousands of years. After everytime they write the word "YHWH" which is the equivalent of "God," "Lord," "Jehovah," and "Yahweh" they must wash their clothes, shower, and put on a clean set of clothes.

13. Psalm 19 says "the Lord" six times in rapid succession. (See above.)

14. Spain was the first country to legalize gay marriage.

15. In Saudi Arabia the age of consent is 14. Of course, if you're unmarried, the penalty is death.

16. In China, the leading cause of death is being born with a vagina.

12/19/08

The Glory of Proposition 8 12/19/08

I'll start with another disclaimer: I'm not anti-LGBT. Bannig gay-marriage in a state that has one of the highest gay populations makes very little sense to me, but I will explain why Proposition 8 is so good and how further Propositions (not necessarily pertaining to gay-marriage) can make our country better.

For those of you oblivious to the Election of 2008, Proposition 8 was a controversial proposal in California that would ban the recently-approved gay marriage. Now, like I said above, this doesn't make much sense to me because California has such a high LGBT population that banning it is like banning Polish people from Chicago. However, there is something glorious about Proposition 8 and the future of possible "Propositions."

The United States is made up of 50 states. Each state has an entirely different make up from all the others. Tennessee certainly has more country-western music listeners whereas New York has much more rappers. Connecticut is extremely liberal and Texas is extremely conservative.

If a Proposition was put up to the voters of every New England state, New York, Pennsylvania, Illinois, and Hawaii, they'd pass gay marriage in a heart beat (most likely, California proved that maybe wide-spread support on a state level for gay-marriage isn't exactly certain).

Why? Because New England's (and those other states) necessities are different from California's. Just as South Carolina and Oregon don't have the same needs and constituencies, neither do California and Massachusetts (the first state to approve of gay marriage).

Proposition 8 should be a harbinger for democracy. Propositions of all kinds should be put up in state legislatures across the country. South Carolina could certainly use a proposition banning abortion. Just as Rhode Island and New York might benefit from propositions approving gay marriage (can you imagine the mass exodus of hair stylists to New York? The Fashion capital of the world would take on a new meaning.)

With propositions being put to the people instead of state legislatures the most significant threat facing Americans today can finally begin to move: the income tax.

Alaska, Texas, Florida, Nevada, Washington, Wyoming, and South Dakota are the only states that don't have a state income tax. However all 50 states are subject to the federal income tax (the 16th Amendment). To put it simply, I'm not saying taxes are wrong, but working hard just so the government can get a cut of your dough isn't right. People wonder why the rich get no taxes? It's because they don't work. All their investments are in the stock market which isn't an income, so it doesn't get taxed.

To put it simply, the income tax is a form of slavery.

If a proposition was put up to the other 42 states in the Union to shoot down state income taxes, I'd garauntee that at least half of them would eliminate state income taxes. Give it a few more years and we can have a 28th Amendment passed to repeal the 16th Amendment.

Our Representative democracy is certainly a wonderful piece of art drawn up by the founders. Especially given that it had never been done before. Still, power should be in the hands of the people. And the more power we as individuals wield, the more power we can keep in our hands in the wake of an expanding Federal government.

After the Constitutional Convention in 1788, Benjamin Franklin was leaving Independence Hall when a woman asked him, "Sir, what kind of government have you given us: a democracy or a monarchy?"

Franklin answered, "A democracy, woman. If you can keep it."

Proposition 8 proves that we can keep our democracy... if we really want to.

12/19/08

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