Albums That You Won't Believe Are Free

Lets start by saying that downloading music is awesome, and we haven't quite seen anything like this hit the music industry since CD's first came out. Whether or not piracy is really hurting the CD industry is something that will be discussed later, but for now here's some awesome free, LEGAL CD's, that are not only good, you'll probably feel like paying for them.



Nine Inch Nails - The Slip

After pretty much telling off the record companies and telling all of his fans to download his music illegally, Trent took the next big step and released The Slip online for free. Oh yes of course you can pay for it, or donate to him if you want, but hey 10 NIN tracks for NOTHING? Yeah you definitely gotta grab this. Not his best album by any means, but definitely worth checking out.

http://theslip.nin.com/

Explosions In The Sky - The Rescue

Wildly hailed as the frontier band of the post-rock genre, EITS are probably not the best post-rock band, but they certainly have a very distinct, if somewhat mainstream, sound to them. Regardless, a free album of tunes from these guys is not something you want to pass up. The concept of the album is just what it sounds like, a rescue operation. It's totally left up to the listener as what exactly is happening, which is the beauty of this record. For a price, this album is a great addition to a great bands discography. For free, it's something no music listener should be without.

http://www.explosionsinthesky.com/albums.html
Just click on The Rescue and download the mp3's one by one.




Bulb - Best Of Misha Mansoor

While this isn't an album per say, its definitely some free music some people would most definitely be interested in. Bulb is a guitarist from the D.C. area who writes technical, instrumental, experimental metal pretty much all by himself. Most of the songs on this compilation are produced and recorded by him, with the help of the members of his main band Periphery. He puts all these songs on his soundclick site for free, and of course this is a compilation of all his best works. Pretty heavy stuff for the most part, but with a touch of softness to really make things stand out. Definitely recommended for people into experimental, or generally heavy music.

Bulb - Best of Misha Mansoor [2009]

The most expensive free sub Quiznos ever made.

Hello! As said before, the previous posts were done by zilver, and all posts from me, will be from jdsarge91 from now on.

So in an article that is a slightly intentional ripoff of a similar maddox article (actually its PURELY intentional), lets discuss the subject of the free Quiznos sub giveaway. (It's still going on, check it out here at http://millionsubs.com/ )

I've never actually had a Quiznos sub, nor ever even been in one of the sandwich shops chains. Still, after being alerted by a forum I frequent that today Quiznos was giving out coupons for free subs, the promise of a FREE meatball grinder from any food place was enticing. So, after school me and Louis planned to hit up Quiznos and share a delicious snack.

Of course, neither of us had bothered to print out the coupons yet, but neither of us realized this until of course, right afterschool, the library about to be flooded by storms of angry faculty members wishing they could be drinking at home.

I had already sent the coupon to my email during one of my many study halls during the day, but the coupon required one to have a photo id, and with me STILL not having my license, I figured
that I would just have Louis print his own coupon out and we would be set.

Which was my second mistake. Louis was yet not 18, and the coupon required one to be 18 and have a photo ID to get a free sub. Louis then of course, just lied about his birth date on the coupon. Brilliant as this was, and as much as I doubt the intelligence of a Quiznos worker, something told me this was NOT going to work.

This all was happening rapidly as we scrambled to get to the library to print our coupons. Teachers were already quite present throughout the room, so we quickly found a computer that worked and set to work.

Which brings us to the main point of this post. School computers. Imagine an 90 year old blind lady attempting to navigate a spiral set of stairs and you have somewhat of an idea of how slow our school computers are. I can literally sign into a computer, run two laps around the school, go to my locker, get hot lunch from the cafe, talk to an assorted number of staff, and probably read an entire novel before a school computer will load. And that's not even loading some basic applications.

Which brings us to the deeper point of this post. Why are these computers STILL using Internet Explorer? Granted, we are up to the latest version, which means we FINALLY get tabbed browsing, but that still leaves us with the slowest loading homepage I've ever seen. Why in god's name would you have a browser load up the homepage of the school? Lets see, I'm school the school IT guy, I could either have all these computers load Google and maybe actually let them get some work and research done before 24 hours pass, or I could have the homepage be a crappy .org site which is probably only run on one server.

That being said, the computer EVENTUALLY did load Internet Explorer and we quickly went to Louis's email account. Only to find out he had tried to print the coupon before hand during school, and that had failed miserably due to the library printer acting up. So of course we did the next logical step, we tried to print it again, from the same printer that had failed us before. Disaster. Coupons can only be printed ONCE, and since Louis had already tried to print his, his coupon was replaced with a lovely ad telling us to send coupons to our friends. And of course my coupon was kaput as I too had sent it to the library printer. It dawned on us that we were NOT going to be having free food today.

So we did the thing we should have done in the first place. Got Subway.

We (Have) Moved!

Ok, just a disclaimer because being an aspiring writer, authorship issues bug me: all the posts before this one were not posted by my fellow writer jdsarge91, but by me on www.facebook.com as notes. Just a disclaimer. He just set up this whole thing before I did and then told me to make an account. Just in case anyone was wondering...

Anyway!

As many of you know, I work as a waiter at a nursing home. Now, my friend Kelcie constantly reminds me how I work with the dimentia patients... only she's never been to Covenant Village to know that she's wrong. 90% of the residents I serve are simply old people that don't want to live in their own homes.

The reason she tries to remind me of such a thing is because working at Covenant Village just makes me HATE the elderly. Here's 5 reasons why:

5. Personal Space

The only reason this is #5 is because this hasn't happened in a long time. I used to have this happen a lot though. The name tag I would wear on my uniform was attached to a retractable holder. Only, the tag would easily pivot and turn over... covering my name.

When the oldies would come up to reserve a table with the hostess, they would look at me. Try to find out my name (you know, they couldn't just ASK me) and reach out their hand going straight for my chest. Meanwhile, my heart is pounding and my adrenaline is pumping and every Puerto Rican instinct in my body is telling me to break said old person's arm before he strangles me to death(!). But finally the moment passes and they just flip my name tag over so they can read my name.

Mother of Mary, haven't these people ever heard of PERSONAL SPACE? I'm sure it's located somewhere in the employee rights section of the handbook. And if it's not, then I'm adding it. Because honestly, there is nothing quite like the terror one feels when seeing a lizard-esque hand coming at you for an unknown purpose.

As of today, my swivelling name-tag has been replaced with a simple clip tag. This actually is a step down from my old tag which was extremely easy to slide in and out of the time-clock. Now I have to nearly hump the wall just to sign myself in and out. The reason for the change? Not because of the personal space issue (which hasn't happened for months actually) but because apparantly, my supervisor was getting emails from residents that they couldn't read our name tags because they kept getting flipped over.

That's right, old people had nothing BETTER to do than to sit around and think, "Hm... I want to read my waiter's nametag." but since they can't, they take the time to learn how to use the internet, set up an email account, spend the next seven hours typing an email, and then actually care enough to send the email to my supervisor informing her about something that in reality, doesn't matter for more than three seconds.

What bitches.

4. Patience, and lack thereof

Me: Tonight we're having peach yogurt for desert tonight.
Ol' Bitch: What kind of peaches are they?
Me: Peaches? It's yogurt.
Ol' Bitch: Yes, but what kind of peaches are they?
Me: Ma'am, it's yogurt. Not actual peaches.
Ol' Bitch: Yes, but are the peaches freezedried? Or are they fresh?
Me: ... they're peaches. It's frozen and comes in a tub.
Ol'Bitch: But I'm asking if they're fresh or freezedried.
Me: I know, but it's all frozen. It's yogurt. I don't know how to answer your question.
Ol'Bitch: All I want to know is if they're fresh or freezedried. Can you tell me that?
Me: The answer is NEITHER. It's YOGURT.
Ol'Bitch: Ugh, nevermind, forget it, you're useless.
Me: ... *walk away*

3. Coffee?

I have two hands.

"Excuse me, can I have some coffee?"

Sure, one second. Just let me serve these to Table 23. Anyway, I have two hands a list of priorities when it comes to serving the residents. Hot food first.

"Excuse me, decaff coffee?"

Yes, just a moment please. Like I was saying, Hot food first, cold food second, hot...

"Excuse me, we need some more coffee over here."

Sigh... cold food second, hot drinks afterward. Just before cold drinks. So that means desserts...

"Coffee!?"

PLEASE. Just. Wait. I'll be there in a second. Coffee has priority over only one thing: juices. So just excuuuuse me if I don't drop an entire plate of melting desserts just to satisfy your caffeine fix. Well, 90% of the coffee they ask for is decaffinated. So I have no idea why they want to drink it.

Interesting note: 80% of the people that ask for coffee ask for decaff. 90% of the people that ask for decaff are complete bitches. Of the 20% that ask for regular coffee, 75% of them are actually really nice. This must be because they need the caffeine to operate normally. Which must mean that if you give the bitchy decaff people regular coffee, they get really bad.

2. "He never smiles."

I had to seat this woman and her husband once. For some reason, she simply could not remember me for the first six months I worked there. She would ask how long I worked there. I would tell her six months. She would say, "Oh, I don't know you. What's your name?" and I would tell her.

Finally, I told her that I've seated her many times and I have no idea why she didn't remember me. I've learned to regret that decision. Because she's hasn't really remembered me by name, just as the waiter who never smiles. Well, you've just finished three reasons why I wouldn't smile, now here's the fourth.

It just... for some reason, pisses me off when people have to point out that I don't walk around wearing an ear-to-ear grin all the time. I'm tempted to believe that despite organized crime, the Great Depression, World War II, McCarthyism, race riots, and nuclear scare, people from 1920 to 1990 walked around smiling their asses off. Because they sure don't now.

1. Tartar Sauce

The number one reason why I hate working at Covenant Village: tartar sauce. It's the single most disgusting piece of shit I've EVER had the displeasure of having near my nostrils. I've never tasted it, but dear God, I don't ever want to touch it.

For unknown reason, the elderly MUST have tartar sauce with their seafood. If your only source of knowledge about tartar sauce is Spongebob Squarepants, let me explain the ingredients for tartar sauce: eat loads of crab, wait five minutes, puke, and add ranch dressing. Voila. You've just made tartar sauce.

Now put that on some delicious baked salmon... and you've just destroyed a perfectly fine meal.

I have no problem with what the elderly eat, I just hate the fact that I have to actually pull a huge jar of this shit out of the fridge to serve it.

"It's not that bad. You don't have to eat it!"

Yes, but it doesn't just look like puke and rance dressing, it SMELLS like it. The scent simply invades your nostrils and assaults them like Operation Barbarossa.

Conclusion: the elderly suck.

The Most Dedicated Fans 02/10/09

Geek. Nerd. Dork. They all describe someone who has social skills bordering those of the common pencil. Usually these Geeks/Nerds/Dorks have something to concentrate their fanaticism on: a particular video game, a movie and it's "universe," or perhaps a TV Show. Often times, it's a book, something far more mobile and able to carry around in one's laptop case.

One famous fan activity is writing fanfiction. Fanfiction is just what it sounds like, stories written about the characters from a particular game/movie/book/comic series, etc.

I used to be in this category. My particular favorite was the Star Fox series of games. The greatest of which being the 1997 classic StarFox 64. To be honest, there are a lot of StarFox fanfictions I could find that are written better than a lot of books on the shelves. One could probably say the same about almost any other fanfiction category out there, but I never visited any.

The last time I wrote any sort of fanfiction was... 2006. Three years ago. I used to post my fanfiction on THE place to post it: www.fanfiction.net

I was recently browsing the site after receiving some inspiration from The Dark Knight and upcoming film Watchmen (opens in theaters March 6). Just for the hell of it. And what I noticed for the first time were numbers next to the categories. Turns out they represent the total number of writings posted in the category.

So who has the most dedicated fans? In parenthesis is the number of fictions with over 100,000 words.

Watchmen: 34 (0)
Catcher in the Rye: 57 (0)
Tetris: 66 (0)

It pleases me to know that while Watchmen may not have as dedicated a fanbase as Catcher in the Rye, they still don't beat Tetris.

Star Fox: 1,539 (29)
Bible: 2,643 (0)
Mario: 2,855 (16)

I think Star Fox still qualifies as the most dedicated fans since they have more "extremely freakin long" fictions than Mario. But Mario obviously has a much wider fan base. I find it interesting to see that the Bible has a wider base than Star Fox, and even Catcher in the Rye for that matter. Take that JD Salinger.

Batman: 3,112 (16)
Zelda: 13,145 (125)
High School Musical: 15,674 (71)

Batman scored kind of low. But Zelda jumped up there, with what surprised me to see that High School Musical beat out Zelda. I was just like, "What?" are there THAT many 13-year-olds without anything else to do?

Pirates of the Caribbean: 17,142 (107)
Star Wars: 20,970 (209)
Lord of the Rings: 41,708 (273)
Twilight: 62,774 (122)

Here are the high scorers. Star Wars has the highest fan population, but I wasn't really surprised to find that Lord of the Rings and (dear god) Twilight had higher numbers.

Harry Potter: 389,307 (1,623)

And of course, Harry Potter has 4x the amount of the 2nd place winner. Not only do they have breadth (largest amount of fictions) but depth (LONG fictions). Hats off to Harry Potter fanatics for being the most dedicated fans!

02/10/09

10. Lincoln 01/05/09

I compiled a list of the 10 most important people in history. Whether you think they are or not is your job to debate, I'm going to do my job and subtract them completely from history and examine the Alternate History that follows.

Note: "Important" qualifies as having a profound enough effect throughout the world to affect centuries politically, culturally, economically, socially, and in some instances scientifically and religiously.

#10. Lincoln

Let's start in 1808. A newborn baby dies on his first day of life in Kentucky.

The effects of Lincoln's absence aren't noticed until 1845. Lincoln would have been a Representative from Illinois to protest the Mexican-American War. He would have demanded to know which exact spot American blood was spilled on American soil. Instead, that job is left to Georgia Senator Robert Toombs and former President John Q. Adams who lead the rest of the Whigs against the war.

No big changes.

1858, Senator Stephen A. Douglas is up for reelection in Illinois. He wins decisively against a rather unknown candidate without any huge formal debates he would otherwise have had from a certain Republican.

1860, a big election year. Senator Douglas seeks the Democratic nomination for President against a southerner: John C. Breckenridge. The Democratic Party splits. The southern wing nominates Breckenridge while the northern wing nominates Douglas. A compromise forms under John Bell with the Constitutional Union Party while the Republicans are still debating a candidate to nominate.

It's hard to determine who the Republicans might have picked otherwise. The other three nominees, William Seward, Salmon P. Chase, and Edward Bates, each found a way to divide the party against themselves. Lincoln became a compromise candidate. However, perhaps Seward, the front runner in 1860, might have gotten a little smarter and not given such a radical speech. Either way, a Republican is sure to win in either 1860 or 1864. Economic and political conditions are just too in place for it to happen.

This means a Civil War is inevitable. Since the signing of the Constitution, it was evident. The only guess work is, how does such a war play out?

Probably in much the same way. If the war takes place in 1864-1869, then we can be sure that the north will win. There are plenty of immigrants recently come over from Europe, which in turn increases the industrial capacity of the north, giving them more weapons, and more resources to fight a rebellion.

So let's go with that. The Republicans finally decide on William Seward. The Democrats play up a war scare, "If you elect the Republicans, we'll go to war!" There's no clear cut winner (with four parties, that's pretty easy) and the election is thrown into the House, thanks to the Constitution. Since Bell cannot run (only the top 3 candidates) his states switch to Douglas. Douglas wins 14 states over Seward's 8 and Breckenridge's 11.

Douglas has a fine Presidency. Balancing north and south, passing legislation for popular sovreignty. However, as we've already discussed, political and economic forces are at work and a Republican (certainly a more moderate candidate than Seward) is elected. The south secedes, realizing they didn't cast a single vote for the Republican and feel powerless. The Civil War begins.

Does this new President issue an Emancipation Proclamation? Perhaps. Perhaps not. He might not issue it as eloquently as Lincoln did: ending slavery only in the states still in rebellion, instead including all states. Or he might issue it at the wrong time. But what's most likely is his top concern would be saving the Union, not defeating slavery. So the Emancipation Proclamation is put on hold.

The War is won in 1869. Many slaves have been freed, but not all of them. One by one in the 1870s, the states now under Reconstruction abolish slavery. However, without an Emancipation Proclamation, the basis for Constitutional Amendments banning slavery, granting citizenship to freedmen, and black suffrage may be lost for decades.

America would become an official apartheid state.

Of course, this seems to affect only the United States. But looking at the wider world, not issuing the Proclamation and subsequent Constitutional Amendments could prolong slavery not just into the 1870s, but maybe even the 1880s in some states. Or perhaps the new governments in the south see slavery as the only profitable way to recover their lost economy and work through the system to keep it.

Either way, this changes the way all other "civilized" countries look at the United States. Britain and France especially, who were becoming the big Imperial players as colonization in Africa heated up.

Without Lincoln, a more conservative Republican government could take hold of the nation well through the 1870s through to the 1900s. America may just stay out of the European War in 1917, condemning Germany for the submarine warfare, but wanting in no way to get involved. We probably wouldn't even want to send weapons to Britain to get involved in the first place.

Without the United States entering World War I, our military never gets the boost it needs to earn the name of a World Power. Our relations with Europe decline as the war drags on well into 1919 and 1920 when Germany finally breaks through the Allied lines and marches into Paris. Britain gives up and concedes to the Kaiser's wishes, granting them certain African colonies as they take plenty of French and Belgian territory as well.

American involvement with Europe is barely reduced to formalities as we continue to grow a more prosperous business relationship with Japan. Both Japan and the United States are concerned about the Soviet threat and invade the Russian Far East. The war is short-lived and a failure but it effectively creates a Red Scare in the United States. The booming American economy, based in Japanese investments, continues through the 1920s and 1930s, not keeping track of the blatant oppression taking place on their own soil south of the Mason-Dixon line.

Meanwhile in Europe, the investments that Germany put into defeated France fails. A Depression falls heavily onto Europe and Africa, but since America investments weren't in France, it passes North America.

The Japanese are slowing their purchase of American oil. American's aren't very pleased, but times are still good. Soon enough, purchase begins again as the Japanese wage war on China.

In Europe, the defeated French and British turn to more conservative hard-line governments that demand retribution for the humiliation they suffered in the Great War. America has no issue with Europe, and profits are coming straight in from the Japanese. Times are good in America going into the 1940s. But the world around us is aflame.

Of course, all that isolation makes the rest of the world jealous and things could easily turn heads if the Japanese think we should be out of the Pacific completely, or if the Germans think we need to help them against the Allies.

While we avoided the Great Depression, America could be facing a worse war than the real-history World War II. And to top it off, with no military to back it up.

01/05/09

As We End 2008: One Way America is Better than the Rest 12/31/08

Damn, it's been a while since I've written an article... ANWYAY

2008 was a year of firsts. Well, A first: the first black President (and the first Catholic VICE President. Ooh! Shiny!)

Not only that, we had the second female Vice Presidential candidate and the first woman to be considered on the Republican ticket (I'm pretty sure after the second try, a woman will NEVER be nominated for Vice President... who knows? Maybe 3 times' a charm?)

Still, between a black man winning 53% of the vote in 2008 and an openly racist candidate winning 13% of the popular vote only 40 years ago, I'd say that we've come along way. But like Hitler and the horror of the Weimar Republic, Obama is more of a sign of the times than a true factor in and of himself. At least in this respect. The racial one that is.

Obviously, racism still exists in America. But obviously not enough to keep a black man from the largest position in the American government.

Although recently, we're reminded of racism on the other side of the planet: the Middle East.

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is nothing new. It's been happening since at least 6,500 B.C. So I'd say by now, we're pretty used to it. I mean, I logged on to my Yahoo! mail address and saw the headline "Palestinian Rocket Accidentally Kills 2 Children." Big surprise. Honestly, I didn't even bother to read the article.

The next day, turns out the Palestinians blame the Israelis. Following just headlines and not even reading articles, it turns out the Israelis sent troops to the Gaza border to prepare for a Hamas attack. Leaders are considering sending "peace-keeping" forces to Gaza, just in case Israeli forces enter the useless strip of land.

And this is where America kicks every other country's ass. Race relations.

During the Cold War, America obviously had a big hand over the USSR which sent political enemies to work camps in Siberia. In several instances, sending American nationals to the gulags. Bringing this up usually heralded the response, "Yes... and you lynch Negroes."

The appropriate American response would be, "Touche."

Of course, 40 years later and we've changed a lot. But have the Russians? As far as I'm concerned, the so called "collapse" of the Soviet Union was in name only. Russia's no more Communist than Japan. Yet, they still have an extremely low freedom rating.

How does this relate to the Middle East? Well, I can understand race relations in America. I mean, Blacks and White's aren't the same race. Differences usually are inherently conflictual. But Arabs and Jews are the SAME RACE. They're BOTH SEMETIC. So you can't really say Arabs are Anti-Semetic. They'd be hating themselves.

Honestly, it's a good thing the Arabs have the Jews to hate. Otherwise they'd all hate each other. Why do the Egyptians, Lebanese, Jordanians, and Saudis want to dump the Palestinians in Palestine/Israel? Because it's a shitty piece of land and they don't want them on theirs.

If it wasn't for the creation of Israel, then it would STILL be a shitty piece of land. The Israelis came in and used their crazy horticulture science and made it a prosperous nation. If the Palestinians were in control, then it would be another nameless Middle-Eastern nation we easily forget among the coups and civil wars.

Think of America without the whites. Sure, we did horrible things to the Indians, but we also developed the land into an incredibly prosperous nation. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to justify the genocide of Native Americans any more than I'm trying to justify the Israeli concentration of Palestinians onto even shittier pieces of land. But still, Natives and Whites have learned to get along? In a modern world where communication is instant, technology is growing at an exponential rate, and we have enough nuclear energy to destroy solar systems, can't we all just get the fuck along?

I'd like to think that the 21st Century would have that sort of a ring of hope to it. Maybe someday we might.

But judging how 2009 is starting off... not this year.

12/31/08

The Separation of Thomas Jefferson and the Constitution 12/21/08

There's nothing that irks me more than someone arguing their case of First Amendment abuse as separation of church and state. After all, it's written in the Constitution.

Of course, being the genius I am, am within every legal right to smack him (or her) upside the head and say, "FAIL!"

The term "Separation of church and state" was first coined by Thomas Jefferson in a letter to the Danbury Baptists. His actual reference was how the First Amendment creates a "wall of separation" between the two entities.

The only way I can illustrate this point is with alternate history...

The year is 2008. The moral decline of the nation is quickly becoming #1 concern on everyone's mind. Even over the economy, War in Iraq, and terrorism (go figure). After all, it's amoralism that caused all these things.

The country quickly converts. A new political party springs up, for lack of a better name, it's called the Christian Party. They vow to win the War honorably, recover the economy with integrity, and return the nation's morality to accepatble standards. Their candidate is the illustrious (roll your eyes here) Mike Huckabee.

Despite being a third party, most Americans are tired of the oligarchy the Democrats and Republicans have created. So the Christian Party wins an electoral majority. Here's our first roadblock: can they do that?

Can a Political Party (a Faction, to use Madison's word) that identifies itself as religiously oriented be elected to any office above the state level? To put it simply: yes. Article VI of the Constitution states, "... no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."

So... we can't have a polygraph test for a President (or Senator, Representative, etc.) to admit that he's an atheist. After all, 537 Congressmen (out of 538) are self-proclaimed non-atheists (including Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Mormons, and a Muslim). So in reality, a man who's party is dedicated to Christian principles CAN become President.

Christian President Huckabee is elected to office. He starts prosecuting the war, running plans through Congress to fix the economy, and then tries fixing morality by proposing laws to Congress. What kind of laws can Congress pass?

Well, assuming Congress is now a Christian majority, Congress can pass any law. Including (but not limited to) for example, closing the doors of every Mosque in America to "help fight terrorism."

The problem with this is that it violates the First Amendment. In a matter of days, a Muslim will get arrested for trying to open the doors to a mosque. He'll demand a quick and speedy trial, bring his case all the way to the Supreme Court, and the law will be shot down. Muslims can attend worship freely again.

How? How on Patrick Henry can a religious party legally get elected? When the Pilgrims first came to Massachusetts, their grievance was with the fact that the English government wasn't allowing them to worship in the ways they wanted to. The founders of Connecticut, Rhode Island, Maryland and Pennsylvania faced similar influences. Massachusetts, being one of the leading states in the Revolutionary War, almost completely rejected the Constitution without a Bill of Rights.

The First Amendment reads these exact words, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; ..."

This clause was put in the First Amendment to keep the government out of religion, not vice versa.

But there's a measure of common sense to bring up in this. The above scenario sounds ridiculous. Doesn't it? Do you think there will ever be a 51% majority of people in the nation who would vote for a religiously oriented political party?

And I'm sure someone will come on here and say, "They do all the time: the Republicans!" Well if the Republican Party was... then there wouldn't be a branch called the "Secular Right."

As I've just demostrated, even a religious political party couldn't ruin your own religious expression. No Congress, and no Supreme Court would ever allow it.

Case closed.

12/21/08

The Argument for Anarchy 12/20/08

At first glance, the United States seems to have a lot of problems. And it does. But while looking at the rest of the world, it's probably the best form of government there could possibly be. The Constitution is nothing short of an art form. The Founders wove it so intricately well that no branch of government can (legally) become more powerful than the others for longer than four years. It's simply improbable. The basic factor of time and society will eventually bring the more powerful branch down and begin shifting again.

Take a look at other governments:

Spain for instance. Spain is a sprawling Constitutional Monarchy with an extremely progressive form of Republicanism inherent in its government since Francisco Franco died in the 1970s. The ruling King of Spain, Juan Carlos I, actually put down an attempted coup (bloodlessly, which is a rarity in European history) during Spain's constitutional convention, and encouraged a Republic to grow.

The strange thing is, that even though Spain is, by definition, a prosperous democracy, Spaniards are literally at the whim of the King. Basically, the King of Spain has every power of the President of the United States:

-Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces
-To call the Cortes Generales (the equivalent of Congress) to a special session
-To appoint/dismiss members of Government
-Grant reprieves and pardons
-Legal immunity

And then some:

-To dissolve the Cortes Generales
-To sanction laws
-To make war and declare peace.

The last three are of course, powers of the US Congress in America. Juan Carlos I happens to be a very liberal, very relaxed King of Spain. Imagine if a King (or Queen) was brought to power with a few dictatorial tendencies?

There goes the Cortes Generales. All laws and their enforcement would be placed at the helm of the King/Queen.

Still, back to the United States. Despite how awesome our system works at preventing tyranny, there's still the problem of the government overstepping its bounds. The Preamble of the Constitution states, "We the people of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence [sic], promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

Hear that? "Secure the Blessings of Liberty." Sounds pretty good considering what denizens of Earth had been facing thoughout history. Just consider the Spanish Inquisition (which no one expects), the Thirty Year's War, the Crusades, Witch Hunts in Europe and North America, violent revolutions in both England and France, as well as countless claims of divine right by corrupt men in the monarchies of the Old World.

Yet, what exactly accounts for the "Blessings of Liberty" if we can't really define what "Liberty" is?

To put it simply, "Liberty" is the ability to choose whether or not you are going to do something. The more liberty you have, the more choices you can make, the more powerful you are. The purpose of democracy is to empower the people. And though no where in the Constitution does it state the term "democracy," it also doesn't state "slavery," yet both are inherent in the writing of the Constitution.

Think for a moment with me:

Who is the government to tell you what you should do to your own body?
Who is the government to tell you what you can and cannot own?
Who is the government to take any percentage of your income for their own doings?

Who is the government to say those things? They are the representatives that you've elected to Congress. The problem with this is that once they're in, it's hard to get them out. I've always wondered that. It's like a jar of olives, the first one's the hardest, but the next elections just flow like water.

Ever wonder where they get the money to fund their reelections? The incumbents?

Yeah. Exactly.

Let's address the first question: Who is the government to tell you what you should do to your own body?

Laws were made to be broken. If the Government is going to declare certain drugs illegal, it's only going to increase drug usage. Not only that, it's going to ensure that illicit drugs will have a higher percentage of being laced with crap like rat poison and baby powder. This only puts a heavier strain on the already collapsing medical industry.

What happened when the Government passed the 18th Amendment prohibiting the sale of alcohol. As we all know, that only encouraged big cahoons like Joseph Kennedy and Al Capone to begin their own bootleg operations for illegal alcohol. The Government realized their mistake in 1933 and passed the 21st Amendment, effectively repealing the 18th. Crime went down. Alcohol was regulated. And now the Government could sell its own alcohol to start making money to combat the Great Depression.

Maybe the Goverment could legalize marijuana, cocaine, and heroin, start selling their own brand and fix the Panic of 2008? Now, I'm not saying we should all use drugs. I'm actually totally abase to sticking a needle for a good high. But if that's your choice, then who am I to say otherwise? I'd recommend not doing it. But I don't think the Government should have that ability. It's just one more foot in the door for them.

Second Question: Who is the government to tell you what you can and cannot own?

This is very specific: gun control. I'm in full support of near-deregulation of guns. Why? Because if everyone has a gun, and everyone carries them out in the open, how many people do you honestly think are going to even TRY and commit a crime? Double gun deregulation with my Anti-Stupidity Clause and you have a working Anarchy!

Seriously, think about this. The Federal Government can issue gun licenses still, however, the gun license is absolute. You can own any type of projectile (non-explosive) firearm, automatic or otherwise. In Switzerland, this is the norm. The US has 5.28 Handgun murders per 100,000 people. Switzerland has 1.42.

Burglar walks into a store, points a glock at a store clerk, "Gimme all your money." The clerk reaches for his Uzi. The burglar shoots and kills the clerk. A shopper, holding her tampax in one hand, and her AK-47 in the other points the gun at the back of the criminals head. Another shopper phones the police, drawing his own weapon.

Justice is served.

Third and most important question: Who is the government to take any percentage of your income for their own doings?

The Income tax is a form of slavery. The Income tax is a form of slavery. The Income tax is a form of slavery. I cannot say this enough.

If you were sent to a 9-5 job five days a week, only to receive a paycheck every two weeks and had 100% of your pay sent to the Federal government, what would you call that? Slavery. You're getting 0% return for 100% of the work.

Why should 10% or 35% of your income be any different? Because then you (most likely) have to pay the state income tax, along with your 401K, Medical insurance, etc. etc. Don't forget your mortgage, car payments, overdue electric bills...

It's simply appalling that slavery was abolished in 1868 only to be reinstated in 1916. Oh sure, there will be people saying, "But you can't have a government without taxes!"

Right. How many MORE taxes are there? Taxes on small businesses. Taxes on corporations. Taxes on sales purchases. Taxes on imports. Taxes on virtually everything. How can we make up for the elimination of the Income Tax? Simple: property and inheritence taxes can take a small hike. And bump sales taxes up 1 cent in each state. It's such a small hike that no individual will feel it, but on a national level, it'll bring in more money than any of us can imagine.

I hope you've enjoyed my rant. The lesson is, the government has no right or reason to tell you, as a human being with the inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness, what you can and cannot do...

... UNTIL you violate the rights of other citizens. But that's another story altogether.

12/20/08

"Sixteen." Right. 12/19/08

"Write 16 random facts about yourself then tag 16 people including the one who tagged you."

I've been tagged in about two of these by now. I'm sure virtually everyone I tag has too. Just by going on the collective "Notes" page, it gets FILLED with people unwillingly conforming to society. I told myself I wouldn't do it....

... and I'm not.

Here's sixteen random facts:

1. The Catcher in the Rye is the worst book ever written. And despite the fact that no one has a good reason why, you'll never be able to find six people who will say that.

2. The sitting President will always suck. Scientifically proven.

3. Alabama has relegalized slavery in the 1980s. No one noticed.

4. Whoever deemed the Republicans the "red" party is an idiot.

5. The name "Berlin" means "swamp." Adolf Hitler wanted to rename it "Germania."

6. CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien had a bet to see who could write the most Fantastic Biblical parallel. Apparantly Tolkien won.

7. Since Jesus and his family weer Jewish, wouldn't it make sense to have a menorah on the Nativity scene?

8. Napoleon used to relieve stress by playing with a yo-yo.

9. Marie Antoinette invented the first modern wine glass by making a mold of her breast.

10. If you're barelling down the highway at a safe 65 mph, and someone jumps out of the bushes and sprints across the road, if you hit them, it's legally your fault. (See my article "The 28th Amendment")

11. The "Star-Spangled Banner" that Francis Scott Key wrote about in 1815 had 15 stars AND 15 stripes. It wasn't until after that Congress decided to keep a static 13 stripes for the original colonies.

12. Hebrew scholars copy the Torah down in scrolls just as they have been for thousands of years. After everytime they write the word "YHWH" which is the equivalent of "God," "Lord," "Jehovah," and "Yahweh" they must wash their clothes, shower, and put on a clean set of clothes.

13. Psalm 19 says "the Lord" six times in rapid succession. (See above.)

14. Spain was the first country to legalize gay marriage.

15. In Saudi Arabia the age of consent is 14. Of course, if you're unmarried, the penalty is death.

16. In China, the leading cause of death is being born with a vagina.

12/19/08

The Glory of Proposition 8 12/19/08

I'll start with another disclaimer: I'm not anti-LGBT. Bannig gay-marriage in a state that has one of the highest gay populations makes very little sense to me, but I will explain why Proposition 8 is so good and how further Propositions (not necessarily pertaining to gay-marriage) can make our country better.

For those of you oblivious to the Election of 2008, Proposition 8 was a controversial proposal in California that would ban the recently-approved gay marriage. Now, like I said above, this doesn't make much sense to me because California has such a high LGBT population that banning it is like banning Polish people from Chicago. However, there is something glorious about Proposition 8 and the future of possible "Propositions."

The United States is made up of 50 states. Each state has an entirely different make up from all the others. Tennessee certainly has more country-western music listeners whereas New York has much more rappers. Connecticut is extremely liberal and Texas is extremely conservative.

If a Proposition was put up to the voters of every New England state, New York, Pennsylvania, Illinois, and Hawaii, they'd pass gay marriage in a heart beat (most likely, California proved that maybe wide-spread support on a state level for gay-marriage isn't exactly certain).

Why? Because New England's (and those other states) necessities are different from California's. Just as South Carolina and Oregon don't have the same needs and constituencies, neither do California and Massachusetts (the first state to approve of gay marriage).

Proposition 8 should be a harbinger for democracy. Propositions of all kinds should be put up in state legislatures across the country. South Carolina could certainly use a proposition banning abortion. Just as Rhode Island and New York might benefit from propositions approving gay marriage (can you imagine the mass exodus of hair stylists to New York? The Fashion capital of the world would take on a new meaning.)

With propositions being put to the people instead of state legislatures the most significant threat facing Americans today can finally begin to move: the income tax.

Alaska, Texas, Florida, Nevada, Washington, Wyoming, and South Dakota are the only states that don't have a state income tax. However all 50 states are subject to the federal income tax (the 16th Amendment). To put it simply, I'm not saying taxes are wrong, but working hard just so the government can get a cut of your dough isn't right. People wonder why the rich get no taxes? It's because they don't work. All their investments are in the stock market which isn't an income, so it doesn't get taxed.

To put it simply, the income tax is a form of slavery.

If a proposition was put up to the other 42 states in the Union to shoot down state income taxes, I'd garauntee that at least half of them would eliminate state income taxes. Give it a few more years and we can have a 28th Amendment passed to repeal the 16th Amendment.

Our Representative democracy is certainly a wonderful piece of art drawn up by the founders. Especially given that it had never been done before. Still, power should be in the hands of the people. And the more power we as individuals wield, the more power we can keep in our hands in the wake of an expanding Federal government.

After the Constitutional Convention in 1788, Benjamin Franklin was leaving Independence Hall when a woman asked him, "Sir, what kind of government have you given us: a democracy or a monarchy?"

Franklin answered, "A democracy, woman. If you can keep it."

Proposition 8 proves that we can keep our democracy... if we really want to.

12/19/08

Obama's Latest "Blunder" 12/19/08

January 20th is the set date for Barack Obama's inauguration. And guess who's angry about that? You'll be surprised to find out that it's actually the Gay community complaining.

That's right. The LGBT, historically Democratic, and a hug constituency for Senator Obama back in November, is now significantly upset with the line-up Obama and his staff have prepared for the 20th. The man who's making them grit their teeth is actually Rev. Rick Warren.

Rick Warren is an evangelical minister and best-selling author of the book "The Purpose Driven Life." The reason the LGBT Community hates him so much is because he was an outspoken critic of Proposition 8 and like many-to-most evangelicals, believes a gay lifestyle is wrong.

Of course, even if Obama knew that Warren was anti-LGBT (how could he not) he seems to be attempting to make up for this "insult" by including an entirely Gay marching band in the parade. Not only that, but Obama's included a pro-LGBT minister Rev. Joseph E. Lowery to close the inauguration. The columnist (see below) Joe Solomonese believes that this is equivalent to opening a ceremony with an Anti-Semite and closing with a Rabbi. Frankly, the LGBT Community (or at least this particular writer) has the wrong perspective.

Think about this: Barack Obama just came out of one of the most divisive elections in history. 90% of voters believed anyone was better than Bush, many believed Obama isn't experienced enough for the job, and most probably still do. Not only that, but the evangelical community (the Religious Right, or "Christian Conservatives" if you will) voted overwhelmingly against Obama, just as the group identifying themselves as Liberal voted overwhelmingly against McCain.

So what's Obama's choices: he can thumb his nose at the constituency that voted against him, like almost every other candidate in history has done. OR he can go with his original mantra of overcoming differences and going against the grain to try and come out of this election more united than were went into it. President-elect Obama isn't trying to put off the LGBT community, nor is he necessarily trying to appease the evangelical community.

It's more like this: take one person to represent every group bigger than 100,000 registered people in the country: Jews, Christians, KKK members, Gays, Trekkies, Pro-Lifers, Feminists, etc. and have Obama at the head of the table, he's not asking them to talk to each other, he more or less wants them to talk to HIM so that President Obama can do the juggling, instead of giving the balls to all the groups and saying, "Share." (That's what she said.)

On the other hand, it is more customary to appease constituencies that voted for you. It might be more productive for Obama to switch Lowery's and Warren's positions. Regardless, having an inaugural speech from a guy who's book is about God's purpose for your life... that's certainly something. There's no doubt about that.

The original story I read can be found here:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/12/18/AR2008121802788.html?wpisrc=newsletter

12/19/08

The 28th Amendment 12/16/08

This has been bothering me for a long time.

Roy L. Pearson, a Washington, D.C. judge sued the Chung family in April 2007. The Chungs were a family of Chinese immigrants just trying to make a living owner a dry cleaners. Judge Pearson dropped off a pair of pants and when he came back, the Chungs misplaced them.

His response? He demanded they pay him $65 million dollars in court. Some 1,000,000 of those were for "emotional damages." Of course, this was after the Chungs offered him reparations of some $12,000. Pearson refused the money and took it to court.

Pearson's justification for his abuse of our legal system and the waste of just about everyone's time was that Custom Cleaners had two signs in the window (since taken down). One said "Satisfaction Guaranteed" the other "One Day Service." Since neither satisfied Pearson, he claimed the Chungs misled him and owe him more money than they can sell themselves into slavery for.

I'm not sure if Pearson is a moron or just a vicious animal. Probably both. But I can't imagine he expects "guaranteed" to mean 100% of the time. It's a business. It's a human run business and humans are inherently flawed. Hence we have a judicial system and a government.

Of course, Pearson probably understands this and is just looking for a quick buck. Which would make him a jackass.

Pearson's no better than a lot of people. Namely Stella Liebeck who became namelessly famous for suing McDonalds over a 49 cent cup of coffee which scalded her thighs, groin, and ass. Never did she take into account that she was 79 years old and maybe her body isn't what it used to be, nor in fact that the coffee was hot as she held it between her legs.

Like seriously, what happened was awful and tragic, but to abuse the system by demanding (and receiving) $640,000, is downright wrong. Yeah, you're bitter because you're old and have third degree burns, but to claim you didn't know the coffee was hot?

I'm just blown away. The Personal Responsibility in Food Consumption Act (a.k.a. the "Cheeseburger Bill") which said Private Citizens cannot sue corporations for causing their obesity, was continuously shot down in the Senate despite passing multiple times in the House.

Why should a law-abiding private citizen with moderate intelligence a lot more sense and respect for the system watch as vultures come out of nowhere claiming some stupidity like "I didn't know fast food makes you fat" or "I couldn't tell the coffee was hot until I spilled it."

I'll give you the answer: there's no reason.

The only way this could be implemented is if it's an Amendment to the Constitution. And I'd like someone to give me a good reason why it shouldn't be: it's called the Anti-Stupidity Clause. If ratified it would become the 28th Amendment to the Constitution.

It says that any case involving justification that a common American citizen would otherwise view as insensible would be thrown out and stamped with a big red "Stupid." mark.

How to enforce this? You hand the case file to the jury (no opening statements allowed) and if a single juror utters "What?!" "Are you serious?" or "Why didn't I think of that?" then the case is thrown out.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about BS like this with stupid lawsuits that hold absolutely no water, and watching people I would otherwise consider morons get awarded obscene amounts of money. It's such a sin that I think I'm going to write Senator Dodd about this one.

"Senator Dodd, I'm an 17-year old politically active college-bound man. You're a do-nothing Senator who's up for reelection in 2010. I swear to God, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny that if you get my Amendment passed, I'll become your most vigorous campaigner in 2010."

I hate Chris Dodd and am still wondering how we elected him. But I'm truly serious about this Amendment.

12/16/08

How to Solve the Panic of 2008 12/14/08

Disclaimer: For those of you who are expecting a quasi-intelligent essay combining philosophy, history, and current events... you will be mildly disappointed.

First, yes I have officially claimed this depression the Panic of 2008. After all, every other economically distressing period has been named "Panic of " except for the Great Depression. Which I'm sure could just as easily be called the Panic of 1929.

Anyway, I was at work destroying a box of cardboard with such passion that I realized how much I hate cardboard. In fact, cardboard should be outlawed. No seriously. Congress should pass an Amendment to the Constitution banning cardboard from the grounds and airspace of the United States.

Why? Not only because I hate it, but because it will save America.

Think: cardboard is used for carrying things in bulk. Like napkins. Only, those napkins are boxed into smaller boxes of napkins, which are boxed into smaller plastic bags of napkins which ultimately get thrown out to use things to wipe your face with while eating which get thrown out. So basically, a 30'x30' box of bulk napkins is nothing more than garbage waiting to happen.

Only in America.

Think of the lowest jobs out there. Aside from garbage man (which is just another term for "mobster's nephew") and migrant worker, the lowest jobs out there are cashier and waiter. Seriously, being a waiter sucks so freakin' much that I dream of stabbing myself with a fork on an hourly basis. I just hate my customers so much, it's unhealthy.

I say we create an even lower job. It's called "Cardboardman." (Or if you're a feminist "Cardboardperson.") With the new outlawing of cardboard would also come a living wage. Instead of just a minimum wage, there's a living wage (something like 10 or 12 bucks an hour) which is for people who are heads of their household who need the money to make up for the dramatic increase of living expense. Ted Kennedy has been supporting this for years with that exact justification, and each time Congress has shot it down.

Despite the fact that they voted themselves a raise (27th Amendment) with the argument of an increased living expense.

If companies were given the choice between "Lose time having one person unload a truck of 4000 cans of soup" or "Spend less time having 20 people unload a truck of 4000 cans of soup" I think PriceChopper can afford to hire a few extra hands.

With people formerly out of the job now employed as "Cardboardpersons" they'll be gaining a living wage by performing an ultimately necessary task. Simply by eliminating cardboard millions of jobs will be created instantly. Thereby defeating Barack Obama's proposed "1.5 million saved or created jobs by 2010" in speed, dexterity, and sheer imagination.

Hell, I've just raped Franklin Roosevelt for creativity. He told CCC workers to go down to College of William & Mary and dig a hole in their park. Did he eliminate the very epidermis of modern industry and create 2.2 million jobs?

No.

Not only that, think of the emotional repurcussions the creation of "Cardboardpersons" will have on the rest of the populous. It'd be like a relaxing foot massage. Finally, you can kick up your feet and relex, knowing that for once in your life, someone is lower than you are. Not only serving people, but simply acting as nothing more than a replacement for some extraordinarily think paper.

12/14/08

Reverse Chaos Theory 12/11/08

I was sitting in Astronomy class the other day zoning out (the class is incredibly stupid. You have to be an idiot not to get an A) and started thinking about comets and them impacting earth like I usually do in hopes that it happens one day soon, when I thought about this:

Chaos Theory is basically the name to the idea that small actions have big consequences. We like to use this a lot in alternate history. The classic example is that a butterfly flaps its wings off the coast of Brazil. Minute changes in the air current and pressure begin to cause variations in the entire climate that simply get bigger and bigger and bigger until, like a chain of dominoes, they react all together to form a Hurricane off the coast of Florida.

Or howabout a more historical example: Brigadier Charles Fitzclarence isn't machine gunned to death in 1916. The man was strong, charismatic, and a genius. Unfortunately, none of that helped him when the German army riddled him with bullets in France. Of course... say that gunner is shot before Fitzclarence. A simple displacement of another bullet. Fitzclarence lives. Goes back to England and becomes Prime Minister instead of Winston Chamberlain. Instead of appeasing Hitler's Germany in Czechoslovakia, he calls Hitler's bluff, saying he will not allow the Sudetenland to be invaded. The War of 1938 last weeks. Germany is redestroyed, and the 50 million otherwise dead are more or less saved.

What does this have to do with Astronomy? Chaos theory is the essence of astronomy. Everything exerts a force on everything else; be it gravity, radiation, magnetism, or simple blunt force. Say an asteroid just the right size is struck by a comet going just the right velocity. That asteroid begins to hurtle towards the sun where it'll be incinerated by the immense fusion energy.

As it's hurtling towards Sol, it passes Mars. Mars' gravity pulls the asteroid just enough so that the asteroid moves just enough so that it's on a collision course with Earth. Yep, just like that, we're all dead. Of course, Mars has to be in just the right position to be just fast enough to pull the asteroid with the right amount of gravity to cause a bull's-eye. Then again, a few hours later, Mars' moons Phobos and Deimos could move the asteroid just enough so that it misses the earth and heads for the sun.

I came around to thinking that maybe it could work the opposite way... imagine you could take a gold ball (a completely temperature-proof gold ball) and put it on a tee in the ground. And that asteroid is just the right size and approaches the earth at just the right angle. The friction of the atmosphere, slows down the asteroid just enough to allow the angle of the asteroid's approach to the Earth and the gravity of the sun to cause the asteroid to come so close to the Earth... that it knocks the golf ball off the tee and continues on course to the sun without ever touching the Earth's surface.

Is it possible?

I'm no mathmetician, but again, everything would have to be perfect. I figurered there HAS to be a point between hitting the earth, and coming juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust close enough to still miss. Gravity may be powerful... but it can't be all powerful.

Honestly, this really has almost no other application. I just thought it was really awesome to think about.

12/11/08

For Want of a Bomb 12/13/08

Honestly, it's the most cliche title for an alternate history I could ever come up with (you just examine what you're missing and put "For Want of..." in front of it) but I'll dedicate this little piece to Chelsea and she can bring it to her Modern China and Japan class.

First of all, a disclaimer: there are many essays and books written about what might have happened if the United States decided not to unleash atomic weaponry onto the Japanese and instead invaded the islands. The only examples I can think of off the top of my head however are "No Bomb: No End" by Richard B. Frank, and "1945" by Robert Conroy. Virtually any historian will readily ensure that to choose not to use atomic weapons on Japan would only have increased the American deathtoll to another half million lives and countless Japanese military and civilian casualties. That's not what I wanted to think about here:

August 1945. Nazi Germany laid in ashes. Italy was a democratic ally again. The Japanese Empire was the only Axis nation left standing, and it was in pieces. The American forces were firebombing Japanese cities since February, but now had a decision to make. President Truman needed to find a way to force the Japanese to surrender. One trick he had up his sleeve was the Manhattan Project.

Atomic Weaponry was entirely new and the total power of such a weapon was still undetermined. The other option is Operation: Olympic. In Olympic, the American forces would invade the southern most island of Japan, Kyushu, and begin to fight their way northward. Soon after, Operation: Coronet would begin to capture Tokyo.

The estimates for an invasion of Japan are catastrophic. President Truman begins thinking that maybe the A-bomb would be better saved for another time. Whatever his reasoning (American lives, the Soviet threat, Japanese honor, etc.) his answer is this: "Let them rot."

The US Navy blockades the entirety of Japan. The Imperial Navy has no ships what to speak of. Any attempt by Kamikazes to down an American battleship or aircraft carrier is met with deadly anti-air fire or the alert American pilots. The Japanese Army in Manchuria is smashed to pieces by the Soviet Union just as the Empire begins to feel the effects of an American blockade. The Japanese offer a peace settlement to the Americans. MacArthur (without consulting the President) refuses, insisting that nothing but unconditional surrender will do.

In order to head off the Soviets from taking all of East Asia, the Americans fly in one of their greatest land Generals: George S. Patton. MacArthur takes care of the Japanese blockade, while Patton is given control of the same Marines who took Iwo Jima and some 450,000 army men (many reserve, others veterans) and is given the plans for Operation East Wind. In coordination with MacArthur's blockade, Patton and his army land in Incheon, Korea and fight the Japanese forces all the way to the Yalu River.

Patton himself sets up a puppet Korean government with a monarch at its head with a relatively weaker legislative behind it. He doesn't care, he just needs something in place which can control the Korean people, who are now hailing in the Americans as liberators. Fortunately, there's no Iraq situation: the American army will be leaving soon to head into China.

The Soviets, on the other hand, have cleaned up Manchuria and are preparing their port at Vladivostok to head into Hokkaido, the most northern island of Japan. By September, Hokkaido suffers the same fate as Manchuria: a half million Japanese civilians are dead. The Japanese send another peace settlement to MacArthur... he refuses it again. Unconditional surrender only.

The Soviets have taken Hokkaido and their mouths drool with bloodlust for Honshu, the main island. September 1945, the Soviets invade Honshu, the Americans take Port Arthur without firing a shot. With a garrison of American troops in Port Arthur, they head into Mainland China, working through Peking and fighting their way south all the way to Nanking. Eventually, the Americans rendezvous with the Koumintang (China's Nationalist forces) and agree that the Chinese Communists need to be taken out.

In Japan, the death toll begins rising to levels unhead of, and the Soviet machine is in no way ready to stop. Emperor Hirohito comes out to the Japanese people, who still think he's a god, and declares that Tojo and the rest of the military leaders are only in it for their own good. The civilians "take care" of the Military government when Hirohito sends his unconditional surrender to MacArthur.

The Admiral finally accepts and brings his forces to occupy Tokyo. In October 1945, World War II is finally over. The peace agreements are what will be the difficult part: Korea is in full control of the Americans... but Japan is now divided. The Soviets and Americans agree that the 38th Parallel will be the dividing line between a Communist North Japan and a Democratic South Japan. The capital Tokyo however is in South Japan. The Soviets demand they be given an occupation zone in Tokyo... after all, they've earned it. The Americans comply and give the Soviets half the city.

China is a tricky question. The Americans demand that since the Japanese forces were ousted completely by the Americans, that they let China decide for themselves what they want to do. After all, the Koumintang is already in control of all China. In modern terminology this would be a “dick move” but the Soviets respond in kind: they’ll let China decide for itself… as long as Manchuria can decide for itself.

China is in control of the Nationalists. Manchuria however, is under Soviet control. After Patton and Chiang Kai-Shek kicked the Communists out of China, they all retreated to Manchuria. The Americans bit the bullet and accept.

What does East Asia look like in 1946?

A North and South Japan. North is controlled by a Communist regime set up by the Soviets. South Japan is being reconstructed by the Americans. Korea is completely united and is a staunch American ally. The Republic of China is an American ally and is under democratic control. The People’s Republic of China (more commonly referred to as Manchuria) is under control of Mao Tse-Tung and suffers from Mao’s Great Leap Forward.

Back in the United States, 1948 is a huge election year. The Republicans throw out Thomas Dewey in place of General George Patton, the conquering hero of Europe and Asia. The Democrats are in disarray and instead of a surprise swing to President Truman, 1949 begins instead with a President Patton. Soon, however, he’s informed of the Soviet’s successful testing of a nuclear weapon. Patton, never one to be shown up, is just looking for a conflict to show off American weaponry: the same ones that President Truman refused to use on Japan.

12/13/08

44th President... DERAILED? 12/9/08

November 4th marked something 13% of Americans (and probably more) thought would never come: the election of a black man to the Office of President.

Of course, this election was marked by a lot of personal attacks. Primarily on the fox Sarah Palin (only some of you will get that) but also against Obama, McCain, and Biden. A lot of people liked to take aim at Obama's legitimacy to the candidacy: that he was actually not a natural born citizen as required by the Constitution.

Barack Hussein Obama Jr. was born in America's 50th and last State of Hawai'i on August 4, 1961. His mother was a white woman, his father was a Kenyan immigrant... but that's all in theory.

The main problem lies in the fact that we don't have Obama's ORIGINAL birth certificate. While tons of BS like this floated up in the campaign trail, none of it was taken seriously. And honestly, a lot of it sounded stupid to me too... and I was adamantly against Obama. Still, I saw the conspiracy theorists as nothing more than Neo-Cons just trying to force out a very liberal Presidential candidate.

And that's what they've been... until now.

God certainly has a sense of humor. Associate Justice Clarence Thomas (the second Black American supreme court justice) was in the process of reviewing the case of Donofrio vs. Wells and passed out his notes to his fellow SCOTUS members. (Supreme Court of the US) For those of you who don't know, the Supreme Court doesn't just get every case it's filed, they receive so many filings a year that they pick and choose the most important ones; those are usually the ones they see will affect a majority of American citizens.

If four out of the nine Justices think the case is important enough, they then bring it to trial.

Politics is supposed to be absent from the Supreme Court, but when the guy who picks the Supreme Court isn't absent from politics, that's kind of hard. And right now, all but two of the Justices were appointed by Republican Presidents. So we are running with a very Conservative SCOTUS right now.

If enough evidence is piled against President-Elect Obama, the SCOTUS may in fact take it to trial.

Rubbish! Obama's been accepted as a citizen. And for pete's sake, we've elected him President!

True. But is he Constitutionally qualified to be President? Sure I can grab a copy of Obama's birth certificate off of the internet. The Los Angeles Times (where I first heard of Donofrio vs. Wells) published a copy on their website and in their paper.

Still, everyone's born with an ORIGINAL birth certificate. Which the State of Hawai'i refuses to to release. Suspicious? Only a little bit.

Especially when you consider that Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton haven't resigned their Senate seats yet.

This isn't a rag against Obama. I've seriously been somewhat optimistic to his Presidency. Hell, anybody would be an improvement over Dubya. But the historical nerd in me wants this to go to trial so bad only because this is completely and utterly unprecendented.

If you ask me, the Supreme Court will probably throw out the case and just let the inauguration go as planned on January 20. Of course, I'm sure the Republicans will bring it up again in 2012.

But What If they DO take it up?

First things first, the SCOTUS would subpoena the State of Hawai'i to give up the birth certificate. Only one of two things can happen:

1. They give it up. It's legitimate. Case closed.
2. They refuse to give up the, theoretically, legitimate birth certificate.

A Conservative court, a Neo-Con President, Hawai'i will have no choice in the end. Either they give it up sometime later, after the investigation gets really heated (which would be stupid in all sense of the word) or they admit that they simply don't have it. At which point, hospital records, flight records, and housing investigations in Hawai'i, Indonesia, and Kenya will have to be all checked and reviewed for any slight anomalies.

In other words, we might not get a new President until February or even March.

At which point, Bush will probably resign and we'll have an acting President. God only knows who that might be. Or maybe it'll take even shorter. Perhaps the Feds force out his certificate and there's a huge "KENYA" label on top. Or maybe they just find it on an investigation in Kenya.

Clear cut. Obama cannot be President. Who takes the Oath of Office?

In that case, it'd probably be Joe Biden. But honestly, I'd rather see a President Palin than a President Biden. And I'd rather see a President Franken than her. If the states aren't happy enough (which could be a possibility considering Biden got every major policy decision WRONG in the past 30 years) then the states could theoretically call a special election. The Republicans might have a seconds shot. Or maybe there is still some integrity in America and the GOP repays the Dems for not taking advantage of Watergate in 1974 by just letting the Democrats have a "National Primary" to decide who becomes President in 2009.

It's not that I don't want to see Obama become President, it's that I want to see something totally unprecedented and historically marking like never before. Donofrio vs. Wells, if the SCOTUS finds enough evidence, could become the most famous and influential Supreme Court ruling of our time.

12/9/08

Equus - 12/17/08

I thought about what article I could write about this, because honestly, I relate so much to the main character - Alan Strang - in more ways than I can describe. First off, let me give you a brief synopsis. Alan Strang is a 17 year old boy who is obsessed with horses. He always has been. But the media, his overly-religious mother, and atheistic father, and simply growing up have basically done a ninja on his brain.

The rumors that he blinds horses to have sex with them are completely false. Though horses, blinding, and sex are all involved. Not particularly in that order. Bestiality is, however, absent from the play. I encourage you to read it.

If not, here's some quotes to think about:

"His pain. His own. He made it. Look... to go through life and call it yours - your life - you first have to get your own pain. Pain that's unique to you. You can't just dip into the common bin and say 'That's enough!'... He's done that. All right, he's sick. He's full of misery and fear. He was dangerous and could be again, though I doubt it. But that boy has known a passion more ferocious than I have felt in any second of my life. And let me tell you something: I envy it."

"What did I expect of him? Very little, I promise you. One more dented little face. One more adolescent freak. The usual unusual. One great thing about being in the adjustment business: you're never short of customers."

"You sit in front of [the telly] long enough, you'll become stupid for life - like most of the population. The thing is, it's a SWIZ. It seems to be offering you something, but actually it's taking something away. Your intelligence and your concentration, every minute you watch it. That's a true swiz, do you see?"

"'Because I am faithful!' 'My name is Prince, and I'm a Prince among horses! Only my young Master can ride me! Anyone else - I'll THROW OFF!' And then I remember I used to tell him a funny thing about falling off horses. Did you know that when Christian cavalry first appeared in the New World, the pagans thought horse and rider was one person?"

"And Legwus begate Neckwus. And Neckwus begat Fleckwus, the King of Spit. And Fleckwus spoke out of his chinkle-chankle! I'm sure that was the word. I've never forgotten it. Chinkle-chankle. And he said 'Behold - I give you Equus, my only begotten son!'"

"No, wait! ... I'm sorry. I know you're upset. But it's not the end of the world, it it? I mean, what was he doing? Only what we were. Watching a silly film. It's a case of like father like son, I'd say!... I mean, when that girl was taking a shower, you were pretty interested, weren't you? We keep saying old people are square. Then when they suddenly aren't - we don't like it."

"Don't you see? That's the Accusation! That's what his stare has been saying to me all this time. 'At least I galloped! When did you?' ... I'm jealous, Hesther. Jealous of Alan Strang."

12/17/08