It's been an exciting few days in the world of Lawrenceville, NJ. No really, it has. But things are more exciting in Washington, D.C.! As I'm sure people have heard, United States President Barack Obama has been nominated and will be accepting the Nobel Peace Prize.
Let me congratulate the Nobel Peace Prize commission for finally dropping the standards of an award that is supposed to congratulate leaders who make significant progress toward world peace to basically an "eh, well he's trying."
For those that aren't aware, Barack Obama has been President for eight months. In eight months what he's done has amounted to virtually jack shit. I've seen him on advertisements for George Lopez's new television show*, acting like a fool on Jay Leno, as well as on the Colbert Report (while of course, that's mildly acceptable given he was supporting the troops, still... shouldn't he be busy governing?). In addition to all that, he went to Copenhagen to proposition his home capital of Chicago for the 2016 Olympics (an important Presidential function) as well as remained completely ambiguous in regards to the Gulf War II. Saying we need to stay at war "as long as necessary" does not qualify one for a "peace prize."
*I saw a commercial while watching The Office two nights ago. I haven't been able to find a Youtube clip yet.
Of course, this isn't a recent Nobel Peace Prize phenomenon. Al Gore was awarded the Prize in 2007. Which makes less (if that's possible) sense. Al Gore was awarded for "promoting awareness of Global Warming." Which makes as much sense as the basis that Obama gets one for "promoting nuclear nonproliferation."
To help out the Commission awarding these nonsensical Prizes, I've compiled a list of candidates that SHOULD have received awards...
Nikita Khrushchev (1894-1971)
Deserves the 1963 Prize for not engulfing the world into a nuclear winter.
Mao Zedong (1893-1976)
Deserves the 1959 Prize for trying extremely hard to help put China on the path of Stalinist prosperity. And succeeding!
Charles G. Dawes (1865-1951)
Deserves the 1924 Prize for marrying one of the least sightly women on the North American continent. Charles Dawes: the man who knows the value of charity.
Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
Yeah, I went there. Deserves the 1938 Prize for not butchering the fuck out of Czechoslovakia and just taking it peacefully.
Fidel Castro (1926-Is it just me, or is he immortal?)
Deserves the 1960 Prize for overthrowing the vicious dictator Batista and liberating the Cuban people... wait, Castro's still alive! There's still time to give him the award! Hurry up Norway! Here's your prime candidate for 2010!
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